You Say You Want It, but You Don’t

It's uncomfortable

Yesterday, over coffee in Walthamstow, my friend

Danny Martinez

asked me:

“I talk to so many people who avoid networking because they think it’s cringe. To them, it feels uncomfortable and self-serving. How do you get over that?”

I leaned back and said, “I don’t think they want it bad enough.”

“Oh?” Danny tilted his head.

*“Imagine—God forbid—your wife is in the hospital, fighting for her life. The doctors tell you she needs a $200,000 surgery in the next 12 hours or she won’t make it.

Would you hesitate to ask people for help? Would you care if it felt ‘cringe’?

Or would you message every person you know, beg on the streets if you had to, do whatever it takes?”*

Danny exhaled. “Well… when you put it that way, networking doesn’t sound so bad.”

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The illusion of wanting something

We humans have this amazing ability to deceive ourselves.

You say you want it, but you actually don’t.

You don’t.

If you wanted it as much as you say you wanted it, you would be doing it.

You would’ve done it.

Saying “I want it” is easy.

We all do it.

• “I want to become a data scientist.”

• “I want to work at OpenAI.”

• “I want to make a million dollars.”

• “I want to travel the world.”

• “I want the freedom to do whatever I want.”

But do you?

Because everything on that list is possible - it just requires you to actually do what it takes.

Yet instead of taking action, you’re probably here, reading this.

If you are, I suggest you stop reading right now and go do the thing you know you need to do.

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How bad do you want it?

Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

I was an international student in the US.

The job market for international students is Brutal.

99% of companies won’t sponsor work visas. Only top-tier companies do because:

• They have the money and resources to support it.

• They believe top talent is worth the effort.

So to get hired, I had to be the top of the top.

I did everything:

• Cold outreach.

• Countless job fairs.

• 300+ rejection emails.

• Getting help from industry professionals

• Flying to random cities just to convince companies to sponsor me.

I remember a Big Data professor at my university posting a research assistant job on the school portal. Applications opened in 3 days.

Even though it was just a student job, it’d be a game-changer for my resume

So I didn’t wait.

I emailed her immediately, told her why I wanted the role, and dropped by her office to introduce myself.

Guess what?

I got the job—before applications even opened.

My (then) boyfriend, Jack, was furious.

“You cheated. I was waiting for it to open, and you snuck in before everyone else.”

I laughed.

If he wanted it as badly as I did, he would’ve done the same.

The world doesn’t hand out luck, so I take it

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If you really wanted it, you’d be doing it.

But instead:

• You talk about it.

• You read about it.

• You tell yourself you’re “preparing.”

You do everything except the thing that actually moves you forward.

You’re productively, not doing it.

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